Cue Keenan and Kel cuz "Aw here it goes". From here on out, Im devoting my time to creating articles about to players who have pissed me off. Inspired by Kurt and named after everyones favorite high school bag of douche, Im hoping to produce these esteemed awards this weekly. Or atleast every once in a while.
Chone Figgins - For starters, his name should be pronounce CHA-own, but his mom decided to slap the English language in the face and make it "Shawn". You shouldn't be allow to arbitrarily make up your own rules for an established language. Its crap. He doesn't even steal bases anymore, notching only 11 in half a season. Why on earth does he make $9.5 millio... Oh wait, that's right, he's on the Mariners. Yeah, that sounds about right for that franchise.
Bobby Jenks - He would've been better off eating his right arm than suiting up for the Red Sox (probably way happier too, the fat fuck). I'd tell him to jump off the Golden Gate bridge, but the last thing Japan needs is another tsunami. Guy should volunteer as live bate on Shark Week, but that would be way too glorious for him. I can't wait till I see the TLC special "Half-ton Bobby: A story of perpetual futility".
Brian Matusz - Way to lose 6 MPH off your fast ball, ya dick. Yeah, that'll really improve your stuff. You're 24 years old and you've already peaked. What the fuck? I didnt realize progeria could strike grown men. Way to live up to your potential...
Well thats a wrap on this weeks edition of the Sheridans. Tune in next time, and please feel free to submit your own submissions/nominations to me on facebook!
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